


The Fall

by NocturnalNonsense



Category: Homestuck, Problem Sleuth (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Clubbing, Gangsters, Minor Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2015-04-12
Packaged: 2018-03-22 14:36:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3732550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NocturnalNonsense/pseuds/NocturnalNonsense
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You know you can always judge a place by their bouncer."</p><p>A collection of stories surrounding a nightclub and its patrons.<br/>Each chapter will be in first-person from one of a few protagonists. How many, I'm not sure, but most likely no more than three.<br/>Characters and tags will be introduced as they appear in the story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Time: Night  
> Setting: The City, Various  
> Character: Diamonds Droog

If there is anything that I’ve learnt over the last few years, it’s this; you don’t argue with Spades Slick.

There isn’t to do with him knowing more. Man’s a fool, if I ever saw one. He’ll work hard to come up with something witty and smart-sounding, but really it’ll be the most clichéd thing you’ll ever hear. But the man has a short temper, and the metal he carries is sharp, and combining those two is never a good idea. So the proper thing is to nod, to comment on how good the line was thought out, and that we should get moving, boss, before the Badges arrive.

Another thing I’ve learnt is that you need to always think; else you’ll eat your words. Though that lesson seemed to have slipped my mind tonight. Unfortunate, but inevitable. It you tell somebody like Slick that they need to get moving, he’ll be out the door and far away before you know it. And when he’s the ones with the keys to your ride back, he won’t be waiting for you to catch up.

So that summarizes why I was sitting on the metal bench of a railway station, at two in the morning, waiting for a train that may or may not arrive before the sun decides to rear its ugly head.

_Rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun,_

_Early to bed and you’ll miss all the fun._

It used to be just a silly little ditty, an old record that Deuce found in one of the thousands of dusty cardboard boxes that litter our little base of operations. We didn’t even hear the thing until we found a gramophone a week after. Sure, the tech these days is decent, with iPods and iPads and iDon’tKnowWhatElses. But there’s something about an old gramophone, playing the old vinyl, that just makes the tune that much sweeter.

Where was I? Right, the song.

We played it on the gramophone when we found it. The instrumentation was alright, I suppose, but those vocals were what kept up playing it. We must have played that thing at least once a night. It became as much a part of our little group as the members themselves, and ended up giving us our name.

_I’m a member of the Midnight Crew._

It’s got a ring to it, like none of the other names we came up with had. So it stuck. We used that song to make a name for ourselves. Midnight Crew. The crew at midnight. The streets were ours. All the roads, the lights, the alleyways.

Another thing I’ve learnt; the idea that alleyways are short straight things is a total lie. I suppose it would be in any other city, but in Canton it’s the exact opposite. The city planner must have had something about curves, because there’s barely a rectangular building to be found. It’s all curves, ovals, rhombuses. Maybe he had a bad experience with a square as a child. Sharp corners. It makes having a fight a little more interesting. You can’t just duck around a corner and get a surprise attack; you both see each other at the exact same time. It’s a fairer game. But there are those few areas of straightness, where everything’s not curvy. Like the train station

Yes, that was a thing I was talking about. I have a rather bad habit of trailing off the subject, as you have quite obviously caught on. But I regress; I do eventually get to the point of the matter.

So I was sitting on the bench, waiting for the train that may or may not come, depending on if the conductor had fallen asleep yet. The place was empty, just me sitting there. Not entirely peculiar; it was two in the morning. Only the Nocturnal residents of Canton would be out, and most of them wouldn’t have been ditched by their boss. But, I assured myself, being alone is better than having to get into another tumble. Right there and then, my thoughts were on getting back to the hideout and getting a well-deserved drink.

The job was a simple one, very much as simple as it gets. We got a call at about quarter past twelve, from the bouncer of a relatively classy dive that had enlisted us to protect their property. We didn’t operate like a regular gang. We left them alone, and if they offered us a drink every once in a while, we kept the less sophisticated criminals away. So the bouncer was just calling, because they had a wannabe patron who obviously was not the type that should be there. He got a little rough, the bouncer subdues him, and maybe we could come over and have a little talk to the guy, sort it out.

Boxcars took the call, and he knew that we’d never turn down something like that. So he said we’d send people over, told Slick, and he got in the car with me for a quick drive over. We got there at about half past, no problems, and the bouncer let us in.

You know you can judge a place by their bouncer. You get a burly guy; you know it’s a rough place. Skinny guy, you know that you’ll find some older gentlemen there. But a place with a woman outside, wearing a smart suit and eye patch, with a glare that’d kill you if you let it? Yeah, that’s a place for the real people. It’s a lucky thing I knew Serket, it’s always a good idea to have people like her in your good books. She let us through without a problem, of course, she called us direct. She tapped Slick on the shoulder, and simply said “My office. Not too rough.”

The trip to her office was short and sweet. Through the door, round the corner, past the bar, through the employee door, hang a right. I opened the door, and Slick swept in. I followed suit, and closed the door.

He didn’t take too long. They never do.

We were out of that door at about quarter to, and there was no point in leaving straight away, so we did our usual inspection. Scan the crowd, look for any gang members, alert the security if there was. The lighting was flashy, but I was used to that. A quick scan relieved any worries I might have had. Serket was good; this place was as clean as clean could be. I could recognize most of these patrons, and they were certainly not one to cause any trouble relating to the gangs. Slick came back, and yes, he agreed with me, this place was perfectly fine. So back to base now. I nodded, and we reached the front entrance just in time to see some more trouble brewing.

“Does it look like I’m joking? I know you guys, and you are NOT coming in tonight.”

“Come on, you’ve got something against somebody w-with a bit of class?”

“Ampora, being a hipster does not make you ‘classy’.”

“W-well sorry, V-Vris, that I don’t fit your expectations!”

The rapport gave me a bit of a chuckle. Serket wasn’t exactly in the clear; the Amporas didn’t do anything too taxing; a little bit of desperate pickup attempts were not in any way banned by the establishment. But I knew for a fact that Serket and this guy, Eridan, had had a fling a while back. This was some old-fashioned revenge, and I can get behind that. Slick and I left her to it, and we were pulling away not ten seconds later.

Ten minutes passed. Five to one in the morning. We were just about to turn on the expressway, when a group dressed in green came into view on the road next to us. Slick swore, and I pulled over to the side. I didn’t like the Felt. They showed up about half a year ago, took a few blocks over, and started a protection racket that is a little more traditional than our own. Classic thugs, using intimidation to get what they want, without a sliver of class or respect for how things are run around here. We had to come out this way a lot more often now, with the businesses that were being “offered” protection calling in their actual protection to keep things running smoothly. The Felt stopped trying that after a few brawls and attacks, but they still tried to pick trouble every now and then. So, obviously, the easiest way to take care of them was to cause trouble first.

I sized up the situation. There were three of them standing there. A big guy at the back incredibly built. A medium guy, standing up straight and acting like the boss. And a shorter guy, slouching. I knew all three of them, though not by name. The short guy wouldn’t be a problem; he is usually too slow and unresponsive to put up any sort of fight. But the big guy could be a bit of trouble to take down. And the boss? He’d be a fair fight as well. So we’d better be careful, if we don’t want any killing on our hands.

I’m sure that Slick would have killed off all three of them, no problem. We both were packing heat; we could just shoot them down right now. But there are three main problems with that. First, if we kill these three, there’ll be plenty of others that will swear revenge straight out. Second, the Badges could be an issue. They don’t like us, sure, but we’ve kept clean. They couldn’t pin anything on us. But a triple homicide would be a far different story.

And third, where’s the fun in a shooting?

I turned off the engine, and the old engine spluttered a little before silently closing its trap. There was a bit of a creak as the two front doors opened, and then two distinct slams as they both closed. The gravel shifted underneath two pairs of feet, before going quieter as they reached the sidewalk.

Then Slick pulled out his knife, and things went a far bit quicker.

The wounds weren’t that great, for either side. A few scratches, some heavy bleeding, but nothing that’ll leave a mark after a month of healing. That’s how we played; leave them healthy, but with a lesson learnt. The three of them finally admitted defeat, and scuttled off, back down one of those curved alleyways, towards wherever they actually made base. I reached into my pocket, and got my handkerchief out. In the scuffle, I got some blood on my suit. I patted the spot, getting the worst of the liquid out. It wouldn’t be completely gone, of course, but it would save me a fortune in not having to replace the thing entirely.

Slick looked like he was thinking, which meant I was expecting the worst.

“I guess… they got cut by the shadows, huh?”

Dear god.

“Sure seems like it, boss. Nice one. We should get going, boss, before the badges arrive.”

And that is why I’m waiting at the train station. Lessons to learn about living in Canton, it’d be good if I started actually learning.

It took about half an hour to walk down to the station, moving slowly in case any more Felt were around. Two people, nobody would try a thing. But people view targets differently when they are alone. One person is easy to take by surprise. So you have to be careful. I took a less direct route, avoided major corners. I got there alright, so I scouted out the place for any secret nooks and crannies. When I was satisfied, I took my spot on the bench.

That was one thirty.

By the time it was two, nothing had happened. No trains, no pedestrian, not even any sounds of fighting on the streets nearby. It was getting past the late nights that the gangs usually run it. Eleven to one? That’s the time to be fighting. But after that, even the night people get tired, head home, and take a long and deserving rest. So when two o’clock rolled around, I knew I was safe. I finally leaned back, stretched my arms out, and let out a yawn.

“Tired?”

Lesson number three; you’ll always screw up.

The voice was from a tall guy about ten metres away from me. He was wearing a white suit, and leaning against the wall. If it was five hours in the future, I would have placed him as a business man. A pretty wealthy guy, waiting for his morning train to an important evening. But it wasn’t five hours in the future; it was two in the morning. And that meant that this guy was a Dick. A Private Eye. An investigator. Or, to put it in simple terms, the exact kind of guy that would be my enemy.

I considered my options. How I react now can make all the difference at the end of this conversation. I come off as rude, he’ll immediately start being suspicious, and that’ll be no good. But if I come off too open, he might start trying to have an actual conversation. And these sorts of people pick up on everything. Still, I decided that he might be a little easier to deal with if I kept things peaceful.

“I had a long night, and my friend skipped out on me. I’d much rather be in bed right now.”

He gives a little nod, and a shrug, as if to say “I know exactly what you mean”. Then he goes quiet again, looking around for a bit. Perhaps he was seeing if anybody was around, so he could pull a gun on me. But he didn’t do that, instead electing to push off the wall and walk over, taking a seat on the other side of the bench as me. Again, it was time to start thinking. Either this was him trying to get friendly, or he was getting ready to spring a trap. But it was most likely a trap right now would have a backup for if I left. So it was time to play along with him.

“So, what are you doing up so late?” I posed the question as casually as I could. This was my chance to begin to have an upper foot on the sleuth, start some mind games of my own. Either he gives some terrible explanation, which will be obvious to spot, or he gives a half-truth. He couldn’t tell the truth, that would be completely idiotic-

“I was looking for a guy called Slick, you look like you know him.”

Obviously the guy was an idiot after all.

Unfortunately, that made him even more dangerous. If this guy wasn't competent, that meant he wouldn't follow the obvious steps, which made tricking him a whole lot harder. I couldn't rely on tactics anymore, I’d have to improvise.

“What makes you say I know the guy?” Defensive, doesn't give anything away. The perfect response, all things considered.

“Well, I did see you with him fighting those Felt guys, before he drove off, so I figured.” He leaned back into the bench, looking outwards and away, while I quietly panicked. He saw the fight? How long had this guy been tailing me? _And why the hell didn't I notice him?_

I stared at him, in silent shock, but he didn’t notice my expression. His gaze was on the buildings across from us, not a stare, but a sort of motionless state of rest, like he was zoned out. Without moving from this state, he started talking again.

“See, I was supposed to find Slick and haul him in so my buddy could talk to him. But he left too quickly after that tumble with the other guys, so I thought, ‘well, the guy he showed up with dresses almost exactly alike, and they didn’t try to kill each other, so maybe they’re buddies.’ So, I thought some more, and I thought, ‘it might be easier to ask this guy, since he’s still here’. You get what I’m saying?”

All the time he was talking, he didn’t look at me. Not once. He was so zoned out, I probably could have just walked away and he wouldn’t have noticed until it was too late. Then again, with how he had managed to tail me, that mightn’t be the case. But obviously, being in a rather embarrassing state of paralysing shock, I just sat there and listened to the guy rattle on. When he finally finished his little speech, he turned to look at me, waiting for an answer. He kept that strange stare on me, and it felt like he was seeing right through me. However strange this inspector was, I immediately knew that lying would do absolutely no good.

“Yes, he’s my boss. But he was in a rush to get back, so he ditched me there. You must have seen that part. But I most likely won’t be willing to come with you, on account that you are obviously on the side of the Badges, and if it was Slick you were after, I don’t understand how asking me could possibly work.”

He looked at me silently for a moment, before shaking his head. “I don’t know either. I don’t think things through very well, except for when I do, but that’s not very often.” Suddenly he was standing up, dusting his jacket, and looking away again. “I’ll leave you be then, sorry for disturbing you. But if you wouldn't mind passing on a message, well, letting him know that he was wanted, that would be very helpful, see. Just tell him that, that P.I. was looking to talk to him.” Then he turned away and walked out of my view. I was left with a vague feeling of worry, of dread, and a much less vague feeling of complete and utter confusion.

The train arrived a few minutes later, and by twenty to three I was back through the door of the hideout, greeted by the wonderful sight of three men sprawled out in different places in the room. They had been drinking, of course. I gave them no notice, and left for my room. The message could wait until the morning.


	2. The Table

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time: Night - Morning  
> Setting: The City, Various  
> Character: Eridan Ampora

If there is anything that I’ve learnt over the last few weeks it’s this; you don’t piss off Vriska Serket.

Honestly, it was a mistake getting involved with her at all. But what can I say? She was hot, didn’t particularly despise me, and I was a desperate guy. I took a chance when it was given to me. And it wasn’t all that bad for a while. It was that she got bored, and found somebody else, and I didn’t like that.

So yeah, she kicked me out. No biggie. Plenty of fish in the sea, right? But I should have thought that analogy through better, because she just placed a great big sign over the sea, and it reads ‘sea life conservation area’. And when the sea just happens to be the only decent joint in this entire city, you’ve got some problems.

“Does it look like I’m joking? I know you guys, and you are NOT coming in tonight.” She spat out her rejection with a satisfied sneer on her face. It didn’t faze me; knowing her, this was nothing. I had expected her to be far more violent about things. So far, she was keeping a level head. Though that wouldn’t be for long if I could say anything about it.

“Come on, you’ve got something against somebody w-with a bit of class?” I stumbled over the ‘w’, as normal. Maybe it was a tactical error to use a word with that letter in it, though if she tried to latch on to it, I was rather sure that I had heard it all, so it wouldn’t be too much of a setback.

“Ampora, being a hipster does not make you ‘classy’.”

“W-well sorry, V-Vris, that I don’t fit your expectations!” Two slip-ups that time, dammit. Not going well for mister ED Ampora tonight. Not that it was going to go any better than this, obviously, seeing as she’s the bouncer, and she’d be able to do anything she wants. Including bar entry.

She stepped slightly to the side to let two men pass out the door, both in dark suits and wearing hats that covered most of their face in shadow. They looked vaguely familiar to me, like a duo that I’d seen a couple of times in the previous, more successful visits to this establishment. As Vriska leaned back, turning her head to watch them go, I decided that there was no better time to get a concussion then now.

So I turned the corner and strolled right in. She didn’t try to stop me; obviously she had lost interest in kicking the ex around. I felt a little deflated, honestly, that I’d miss out on the vocal warfare that we could have had outside of The Fall, but on the plus side, I could actually have a good time tonight. And I certainly intended to, as is the Ampora way.

I sized the crowd up. It was a decent size, considering the time of night. Normally the partygoers dispersed before now, heading back with whoever they had picked up. Or alone, as the case may or may not have been for me on numerous occasions. Only the really freaky people still hung around after one, and it was going to be one soon. Freaky people were just my thing, you see. It makes a relationship a whole lot more interesting, to say the least.

Though maybe interesting wasn’t the thing to look for if you want to get anywhere with it.

There were some familiar faces at a table tucked into the corner near the bar. Three people I knew, though there was one person that I couldn’t really place in my mind. The three guys that did jog something were at least friendly, if not tolerated my presence. That gave me enough reason to invite myself over, and stop being the loner in the club.

“W-well, look at these three being all glum. W-what’s happening?” Twice, Ampora, come on; think your sentences through next time! The stuttering was a thing I’d had for as long as I can remember. I’d tried to fix it, had speech therapy and all that garbage, but it hadn’t done a thing. So I just tried to avoid using any words with a ‘w’ or a ‘v’ in them. This is rather difficult, unfortunately.

Slouched Figure Number One gave a little shrug, Number Two looked away, Mystery Figure continued being all mysterious. Though I can always rely on Number Four to give a decent response.

“I don’t know who gave you any sort of permission to move your ass over here and start spewing garbage out of that stupid mouth of yours, but it certainly wasn’t one of us. So either get permission from somebody who actually cares, or get the fuck out of here.”

“Love you too, Kar.” I took my space at the last remaining seat at the table. Which made it a little bit crowded, but that’s not really a problem. From here, I could make out the faces of all four of the clubbers. Looks like the figure with the shrug was Aradia after all, as I suspected. The girl didn’t really do that much talking nowadays. Obviously it was Sol who had made the feeble attempt to not notice me, being the general jerk that he is. We didn’t get along too well, but at least we could be civil every once in a while, and he was fun to wind up. I knew he had a thing with Aradia going for a while, but the exact nature of that little pairing is beyond my knowledge.

And the mystery figure? Certainly a mystery dame now. The lady gave me a glance, as if to size me up. She seemed like a woman with a strong mind, had eyes that made you think she was looking into your every secret. I crossed her off of my ‘potential pickup’ list. If I was getting somebody tonight, I wasn’t all that sure that talking about things would be on my mind. Seeing my little look of discontent, she gave a smile that I swear could have cut through anybody’s poker face.

“I’m Lalonde, and you don’t need a first name. And based on that rather eccentric hair style, I’m guessing you would be Ampora.” She gives her eyebrows a bit of a raise, waiting for the confirmation that she knew she was going to get. You could tell that there was never a doubt in her mind that she was mistaken.

“The rumours you hear are true; I’m the one and only. And yes, ladies, I’m single.” I added a little bit of a wink on top. Sure, it was stupid-looking and bound to get me punched, but it gave the real message to Lalonde; _I don’t want to try with you._ The sly nod she gave while Karkat rested his forehead not-so-calmly against the table was all I needed to know she got the picture.

I don’t deny that I’m a terrible guy in terms of picking up partners, but I certainly know how to make sure they never want to.

I ordered drinks, paid for everybody at the table as a sign of goodwill, and we spent the next hour talking. It was rather relaxing, honestly. As the laughs started to get outnumbered by the yawns, we came to the conclusion that we should be getting home. We got our things, said our goodbyes, and stepped out the front door.

Vriska didn’t bat an eye the whole time.

I ended up walking west, with no real intention of where I was going or how I was going to get back to my crappy apartment. This wasn’t an uncommon thing for me to do. I have a rather worrying habit of doing completely stupid things when intoxicated, even more so than other people. The might get angry, start hitting people. But me? No, I just make really stupid decisions. I suppose there is some sort of lesson to be gathered from that, but I’m far too stubborn to actually figure it out.

So, the ‘bad idea’ checklist. We’ve got being alone on the streets at about two in the morning, we’ve got being intoxicated, we’ve got being hopelessly lost. Almost there, we just need one more thing.

I felt a buzzing in my pocket. There we go, we’ve ticked off the list. I’ll be wandering around, drunk and lost, alone at two in the morning, staring at my damn phone.

TT: I’m interested to hear exactly why you were making such an obvious attempt to lose my interest this evening.

CA: wwait wwho is this again

TT: Ampora, think for yourself.

TT: How many people did you attempt to deliberately fail to seduce this evening?

CA: noww come on givve me a break

CA: i kinda had a lot to drink and im tired

CA: so yeah im going to need a moment

CA: lalonde right

TT: The very same.

My muddled brain searched for a reason why she would suddenly be so interested in speaking to me. And also how she managed to find my handle. It was probably Karkat, though. He is usually responsible for these sorts of things.

CA: wwell you see the reason is

CA: you look to be smart

CA: and you wwould havve asked a bunch of questions

CA: and that’s not really my thing

TT: I see.

TT: So is this representative of a need to have a relationship with no personal connection, or is it symbolic of a previous relationship gone wrong, which you wish to not repeat?

CA: yeah this is exactly wwhat i meant about that

My eyes moved from the screen as I collided with a tall guy in a suit. We stumbled, turned, stammered a half apology, and then moved our separate ways.

TT: Your rather brash response very much signals that the latter possibility is the one with the most truth. Would I be correct?

CA: i dunno

CA: maybe

CA: if i say yes wwill you stop

TT: Of course I won’t. 

TT: With that information taken to mind, I am lead to the conclusion that this has to do with your now defunct relationship with Miss Serket.

TT: Would you like to talk about that?

CA: wwoww

CA: amazingly the answwer is no

CA: wwhy do you evven care about my fucking relationship drama

TT: A minor factor is that I took you to have a rather complex mind, which I should have an interest in dissecting.

TT: The major factor is that I am bored.

This girl was really something.

I heard the distant sound of a train moving, which reminded me that I was still out on the streets in the middle of the night. Finally, some part of my brain must have been gearing up, because I suddenly realized that I was being incredibly stupid to still be out walking.

CA: yeah id lovve to talk right noww

CA: but it’s the middle of the night

CA: and i may or may not be lost

TT: That is no issue at all.

TT: You’re right outside of my apartment.

I looked to my side, and up, and I saw Lalonde looking down at me.

If there’s anything that I’ve learnt over the last few weeks, it’s that coincidences are a hell of a thing.

Unsurprisingly, I didn’t get much sleep that night. Lalonde could certainly talk at the table, and she could talk even more when it was a one-on-one. The whole thing felt like a strange interview. She kept asking questions about Vriska, what it had been like when we were together, how things happened to make us split. I thought it was a pretty simple story, but she seemed to think there was more to it. So she kept on pushing, asking about the most miniscule things. What we talked about together, how often we stayed at the other’s place, things like that. She didn’t need to ask what Vriska did for a living, obviously, though she did take a minor interest in my work. Nothing much, obviously, just a few articles for some trashy glossy magazines. Enough to pay for my little place.

She asked why I lived somewhere cheap when I obviously came from a rich family. I told her that was none of her business, in face, and that I thought we were rather done here. She nodded, wrote in a little notepad, then got up and opened the door for me.

The time was eight AM. We had talked for about six hours.

It was the middle of the morning, so it was much less of a hassle to hail a taxi and ride it back to my place.when I got there I went to the mailbox, pulled all the bills out, walked up to my place, left the letters unopened, and crawled into bed.

I woke up at eleven in the morning when I heard gunshots right outside my building.


End file.
